Round like a shot

There is so much wit, wisdom and laughter in this short anecdote shared by Tony Gladstone:

Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things.

I phoned the police but was told no one was in the area to help. They said they would send someone over as soon as possible.

I hung up. A minute later I rang again. “Hello,” I said, “I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don’t have to hurry now, because I’ve shot them.”

Within a minute there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the officers said: “I thought you said you’d shot them.”

To which I replied: “I thought you said there was no one available”.

Total commitment

During one summer over two decades ago, a friend invited me to visit his family inside Myanmar. On Sunday he preached on the subject of commitment and made this witty remarks:

A chicken and a pig were passing by a church and heard the beautiful choral singing. Said the chicken to the pig,“That was beautiful! Let’s show our appreciation by giving them a good ham and egg breakfast.” Replied the pig, “For you, that may be sacrifice; for me, that is total commitment.”

How true it is with most Christians and also with the vast sea of humanity. We are willing to go a mile or so but would demand of others to go the whole distance….

Helping to cry

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once told of a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four-year-old child whose next-door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man crying, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”

Is the church a zoo?

Some church members are as stubborn as a mule about doing church work,
but as sly as a fox in their own business deals.

Some are as busy as a bee in spreading the latest gossip,
but as quiet as a mouse to spreading the gospel of Christ.

Many are as blind as a bat to see the needs of others,
but have eyes of a hawk to see the faults of a few.

Some are as eager as a beaver about a barbecue,
but as lazy as a dog about the prayer meetings.

Some will roar like a lion when things do not go just to suit them,
but they are as gentle as a lamb when they need the preacher of the church.

Some are as noisy as a blue jay when calling on the church for advice,
but as timid as a kitten about talking to the lost and as slow as a snail about visiting absentees and shut-ins.

Many are night owls on Saturday nights,
but “bed bugs” Sunday mornings,
and as scarce as hen’s teeth on Wednesday nights.