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Barack Obama for President, oops…heaven or hell?

barack obama1While walking down Pennsylvania Avenue one fine afternoon on his way back to the White House to sign executive orders banning certain types of ammunition and edible school lunches, President Barack Obama is tragically hit by a Prius and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and he’s met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Welcome to Heaven, Mr. Obama,” St. Peter says. “Before you settle in, it seems there’s a problem. We seldom see an American head of state around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” Obama tells St. Peter.

“If only it were that easy, Mr. Obama,” St. Peter clucks. “I’d like to, I really would — but I have orders from higher-ups. What we’re going to do is spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you can choose where you spend your eternity.”

“Excuse me, St. Peter,” Obama says. “I’m pretty sure I would prefer Heaven, and I’m pretty sure I deserve Heaven. I was the first African-American president, and I saved America through hope, change, transparency … ”

“What about Solyndra?”

“Look, we all make mistak–”

“Or how about Jonathan Gruber?”

“WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, OKAY?!”

St. Peter sighed. “Well, regardless. I’m sorry, Mr. Obama, but rules are rules.” With that, he escorts Obama to the elevator to go down in to the depths of Avernus.

The doors open and Obama finds himself in the middle of his favorite golf course. In the distance is a club and in front of it are Frank Marshall Davis, Lyndon Baines Johnson and many of his Chicago compatriots who had passed on.

Furthermore, on the lawn chairs outside of the club, there were signs hung on the back that said the seats were reserved for several of his closest friends and allies, including Susan Rice, Bill Ayers and Rahm Emmanuel.

Everyone greets the deceased president and tells him what a wonderful job he did. Then, all of the Democrats begin talking about the great times they had getting rich off of those who voted for them.

The Devil comes by to meet Obama and orders lobster and caviar for everyone. They have a great time telling jokes and whiling away the hours drinking champagne. Finally, it’s time to go back up to Heaven.

St. Peter dropped Obama off in paradise, where he spends a good, if uneventful 24 hours strumming harps and spinning tales with Ronald Reagan and Abraham Lincoln on clouds. It’s fun, but not nearly as much his time in Hell.

When St. Peter comes back, he tells the president, “Well, there you have it. 24 hours in Hell, and 24 hours in Heaven. What’ll it be?”

“I know this sounds crazy,” Obama tells St. Peter. “However, it seems like Hell is better. I think I’ll go there.”

“As you wish,” St. Peter says. He sends him down on the elevator, and suddenly, he finds himself in the middle of a barren, scorched desert, covered in detritus and human waste. He sees everyone he was laughing with yesterday, dressed in rags and picking up trash in vain.

The Devil comes over to Obama and hands him a bag. “Get working, ye fool!” Satan says.

“I … I don’t get it,” Obama stammers. “Yesterday we were golfing and having a great time. What happened?”

The Devil lowers his head and clucks. “Silly Obama. You of all people should understand. Yesterday we were campaigning. Today, you voted for us!”

(H/T The Federalist Papers Project)

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Inspiring year-end quotes

1521610_10151793163813204_359339805_nYear’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right || Oprah Winfrey

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else || Judy Garland

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something || Neil Gaiman

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one || Brad Paisley

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us || Alexander Graham Bell

The journey is the reward || Steve Jobs

For a new year to bring you something new, make a move, like a butterfly tearing its cocoon! Make a move! || Mehmet Murat Ildan

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it does not come back, it was never meant to be.

What the New Year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the New Year || Vern McLellan

In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away

Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

I have the opportunity, once more to right some wrongs, to pray for peace, to plant some trees, and sing more joyful songs || William Arthur Ward

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it || Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year, but rather that we should have a new soul || G.K. Chesterton

Maybe this year, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives not looking for flaws, but looking for potential || Ellen Goodman

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover || Mark Twain

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them || Walt Disney

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right || Henry Ford

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing || Helen Keller

Seeing and hearing God

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May God bless your eyes so you begin to see
everyone and everything redemptively.

May God bless your ears so you’ll only hear
words consistent with His voice and His
song over your life.

May God bless your heart that you may be a
wellspring of life for others…

And may God bless your hands and feet that
you may tend to His business during your time
on earth.

Your life matters deeply to Him.

Rest in that fact.
____________________________________________________

Taken from Blessings for the Evening by Susie Larson,
Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group
© 2013. Used by permission.

7 Inspiring Father’s Day Quotes

It is a wise father that knows his own child || William Shakespeare

That is the thankless position of the father in the family-the provider for all, and the enemy of all || J. August Strindberg

Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance || Ruth E. Renkel

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years || Mark Twain

I’ve had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started || Bartrand Hubbard

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection || Sigmund Freud

Lucky that man whose children make his happiness in life and not his grief, the anguished disappointment of his hopes || Euripedes

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